Intellectualisation is a common tactic that many of us use to avoid confronting our emotions directly. By diving deep into the facts, theories, and logical explanations, we can sometimes bypass the raw, unfiltered experience of our feelings. While this approach can serve as an effective temporary shield from discomfort, it often prevents genuine emotional processing and can leave us feeling disconnected from our own emotional realities.
Are You Intellectualising Your Emotions?
It's crucial to recognise when we are intellectualising instead of feeling. Here are some signs that might indicate you're more comfortable in the realm of thoughts than emotions:
1. Research Over Reflection: When hurt or upset, do you find yourself compulsively seeking information? Whether it’s reading books, following experts on social media, or absorbing all available data about the situation, you might be using knowledge as a buffer against feeling.
2. Describing vs. Feeling: When discussing emotional situations, do you tend to stick to the facts, easily recounting details and sequences of events without tapping into how these events made you feel?
3. Problem-Solving vs. Expressing: Are you more comfortable solving problems or discussing complex details rather than exploring your emotional reactions?
If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, you may be leaning on intellectualisation as a coping mechanism. Awareness and acknowledgement of your patterns around this topic without judging yourself is an amazing first step towards moving through it.
Understanding Intellectualisation
Intellectualisation is not inherently negative; it's a defense mechanism that can provide necessary emotional protection during intensely stressful times. Simply put, it is a trauma response and for a lot of people, it is also a product of conditioning from our primary caregivers. Issues arise when this becomes a habitual response that is used to perpetually dodge emotional engagement. This avoidance can make it seem like you’re dealing with your issues, but in reality, you are just distancing yourself from your emotions.
For instance, consider Lydia’s story. In therapy, she talks about her tumultuous relationship with her parents —how she was often yelled at, belittled, compared to others and she felt really unloved and abandoned. She was minimised and dismissed if she spoke up and silenced with harsh words or with physical force and sent to her room to 'think about her behaviour'. Yet, Anna discusses these experiences dispassionately, focusing on understanding her mother and father's behaviour rather than acknowledging their own feelings. By rationalising her parent's actions and burying her own emotions under a mountain of research and theory, Lydia avoids facing the pain of her experiences, minimising and dismissing herself in the process.
Breaking the Cycle of Intellectualisation
If you're ready to start connecting more deeply with your emotions, here are some strategies to consider:
- Engage in Therapy: Therapy can be a safe space to explore your emotions and discuss them openly, guided by a professional who is trauma informed and can help you navigate these waters.
- Focus on Feelings: When discussing events or reactions, try to identify and articulate the feelings involved. Ask yourself questions like, "What am I feeling physically? What emotion does this sensation correspond to? How intense is this feeling? Where am I feeling it in my body right now?"
- Express Emotions with Others: Try to share your emotional experiences with friends or loved ones more frequently, which can help normalise expressing feelings in your everyday life.
- Mindful Awareness: When you catch yourself intellectualising, pause and ask, "What might I be trying to avoid feeling here?" This can help you start to break the habit of avoidance.
- Emotionally Engaged Learning: If you find learning and research helpful, try to remain aware of any emotions that arise during your studies. Acknowledge these feelings as part of your learning process.
Affirmations for Embracing Emotion
Finally, remind yourself of your right to feel through affirmations such as:
- "I give myself permission to experience my emotions fully."
- "It's perfectly normal not to have all the details figured out."
- "I am capable of navigating through my feelings, one emotion at a time."
- "Feeling my emotions is a healthy part of my human experience."
- "I embrace the richness of my emotions without judgment."
- "My feelings are valid and important for my personal growth."
- "I honour my emotional truth and express it freely."
- "Experiencing my emotions deeply enriches my life."
- "I allow myself to feel deeply and fully."
- "My emotional insight is as valuable as my intellectual understanding."
By recognising and adjusting our tendency to intellectualise, we can begin to embrace our emotions more fully, leading to a richer, more connected life. This journey isn’t about abandoning our intellect but about allowing our emotional experiences to coexist with our intellectual understanding, providing a more balanced pathway to personal growth and healing.
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Share your experiences in the comments as it may help others in their journey.
If you need any support or are having difficulties, book in for an individual reading, treatment or session.