• Belinda

Power and Control

Updated: Oct 13, 2021

Your Pathway to your Authentic Self involves developing yourself personally which can sometimes mean becoming present to patterns and behaviours which may need shifting and transforming. One of the most interesting patterns which can be playing out is around power and control.

The words power and control are sometimes used interchangeably, however, they have very distinct differences with power often reflecting a need whereas control is a strategy. Working with power, for example, could be using your own personal power and influence to meet a need in a way that is healthy and respectful. Control as a strategy is more of an attempt to control an action to bring about a specific result.

As we go about our day, we make decisions and choices based on our own experiences in life, through our own lens based on unconscious behaviours and patterns that we’ve learned and developed throughout our own journey in this world. As everyone has different life experiences, different patterns of behaviour, we each have a different lens, so we make different choices in life. If a person is in their power, they are able to make decisions and choices based on what is authentic and true for them around their core values and needs as well as to have the courage to trust what feels right and in flow for them. However, if a person is not in their power, they are not being true to who they are, whether it is knowingly or unknowingly, they are wearing a mask, often put others needs before their own, place expectation on situations, other people or things and can be fully dependant on others. When this happens, they often step into control which is a pattern of behaviour where they try to force a particular outcome, they don’t trust their decisions and choices, sabotage themselves without even realising and feel hurt, disappointed and sometimes angry, which then causes us to feel disempowered.

The interesting thing about control as a pattern of behaviour is that it comes from fear and we step into it when we feel out of control as a form of protection to keep ourselves feeling safe. When people play out this sabotage pattern, they might experience feelings such as anger, frustration, anxiety and sometimes rage as well as disappointment. For some people, they are stuck in a control pattern which is intense, for others it may be subtle, and may not be conscious of it and can feel like everything is difficult, hard, they are stuck on a hamster wheel struggling to move forward and are unable to make decisions which are authentic and right for them.

The Pathway to your Authentic Self involves self-awareness. Being able to stop and take the time to recognise whether you are making decisions and choices based on power or on control can help unlock unhealthy behaviours and limiting beliefs and instead, create a sense of inner peace, wellbeing and personal power. If you notice that your decisions and choices involve exercising control over people, places, or things, you have the opportunity to acknowledge that pattern of behaviour that is playing out. Recognise and witness how you are feeling and the pattern without judgement. Notice when you are doing it and if there is an underlying belief, behaviour or fear and if it is not in alignment for you, you get to make a different choice. Being present enough to have the awareness to pull yourself up when you are being controlling and make a different choice can change the course of your life and help you let go of sabotage patterns that hold you back.


Share your experiences in the comments as it may help others in their journey.

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